People I Admire
This week's title is People I Admire. For people I admire, I should name one or two people I admire and write why I admire them. But it's not easy for me to name them. Just like when I am asked a question like 'What is your favorite season?' Most people simply say, "My favorite season is fall." They just pick out one season without any difficulty. But I say I like all the seasons. Why? Because I think each season has its unique beauty.
Looking back on my life, I just played without any care when I was young. During puberty I struggled with 'Why do people live?' instead I was interested in girls. When I was young I lived with my grandparents. When I was ten years old, my grandfather passed away. When I was twelve, my grandmother died. Each year one or two people passed away in my village. When a person died, one or two people from each family went to the mourners' house to help with the funeral. So I was quite familiar with death. When I was twenty, my father passed away. But I never imagined my father would die. After his death, I tried to remember the times I'd had with my father. His memories didn't last more than five minutes though I had lived with him for twenty years. I was shocked at having such short memories of him.
Until marriage I grew up in the same village I was born in. I used to take a walk around the village's reservoir once or twice a day. Each time I took a walk I felt good because my mind was easily mingled with the grass and trees around me. But I couldn't get the answer to 'Why do people live?' It was not the question I could answer with my own reasoning. I should have read books to get the answer. But I wouldn't read.
After marriage, I happened to know Ryu,Young-mo[1890-1981] and then Ham,Seok-heon[1901-1989]. I bought a collection of Ham's five books. I read those books over and over, took notes and pondered over them for about five years. He had good knowledge of oriental and western classics and had liberal Christianity. And he was actively involved with social issues. Thanks to him, my vision was broadened slightly. A few years after that I happened to know a monk, Jong-beom. He preaches Buddhism on the Internet Buddhism TV regularly about once or twice a month. Since I first knew him I've watched his preachings over and over. Thanks to my innocent struggles, Ham,Seok-heon and Jong-beom, my views on the world have totally changed. I used to think Good is good and Evil is evil. But now I know both Good and Evil serves Good in the end. We can't separate Good from Evil. If we try to do that, we'll lose both in the end. From my new point of view, I could tell hundreds of names of the people I admire.
When I think of my parents, brothers and sisters, they are the very ones who have showed me how to love others. But when a family member didn't do his job and he was totally dependent on his parents, he caused a great deal of trouble among the family members that they had to work hard to overcome. He caused great pain and put me in agony for a long, long time. But now I know he was the great teacher who taught me how Evil affects others. To me, my wife and children are the ones like sea water which makes pebble stones smooth.
When I was young, my good friends showed me how to get along with others. On the other hand, some bad friends showed me in which case I should be cautious. After my military service, I learned English from a catholic nun. But I learned a lesson from her a lot better than English. She showed me by serving others with love how a person can change others. I wouldn't write the name but I know a person who lives real good life based on his sincere religious faith.
More than twenty years ago, I stepped on a frog accidentally while I was taking a walk around the reservoir. The frog jumped into water without fighting back, though its internal organs came out of its belly. Though I didn't hear any complaints from the frog after that, it surely had hard life and died in pain. I don't think I live life because I'm righteous. I was born into this world though I hadn't done anything for it. And the world just endures all the pain and agony caused by me and still gives me chances to live. On thinking that, my gratitude overflows. And I say I'm truly part of the whole universe and can't be separated from it.
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Around the year 2011 I wrote this sort of essay once a week for English Writing Practice. This essay is one of them.